Relational Strength for the Holidays

12.1.2024

Introduction

How do you handle being around all kinds of people that don’t think or act like you?

Christmas is traditionally a holiday when we enjoy the company of family and friends.

We eat, we talk, we laugh, we remember, and hopefully, we relax.

Right now, there is a good bit of polarization among people worldwide.

There are conservative Christians and liberal Christians. There are denominational Christians and non-denominational Christians.

There are vaccinated vs. the unvaccinated. There are mask-wearers and those who don’t.

Then there are political issues. Republicans, Democrats. Those in the MAGA movement and those who despise Trump.

There are capitalists, socialist, communists, and Marxists.

And there is a chance during the holidays that you will be in a room where there are lots of differences.

What is the will of God for you in these situations?

Don’t try to win the argument. Win the heart.

Romans 12:18 (NKJV)

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

Some people seem to thrive on controversy.

Romans 12:18 (NCV)

Do your best to live in peace with everyone.

Romans 12:18 (PHILLIPS)

As far as your responsibility goes, live at peace with everyone.

Matthew 7:6 (NKJV)

Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.

Matthew 7:6 (NIV)

Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (MSG)

Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn’t take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I’ve become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn’t just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (TPT)

Now, even though I am free from obligations to others, I joyfully make myself a servant to all in order to win as many converts as possible. 20 I became Jewish to the Jewish people in order to win them to the Messiah. I became like one under the law to gain the people who were stuck under the law, even though I myself am not under the law. 21 And to those who are without the Jewish laws, I became like them, as one without the Jewish laws, in order to win them, although I’m not outside the law of God but under the law of Christ. 22 I became “weak” to the weak to win the weak. I have adapted to the culture of every place I’ve gone so that I could more easily win people to Christ. 23 I’ve done all this so that I would become God’s partner for the sake of the gospel.

Paul was advocating for feeling the environment that you are in and seeking to adjust what you reveal and how you reveal yourself.

And with this idea of relating to others, we have the commandment to love!

John 13:34-35 (NLT)

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

1 John 3:14 (NLT)

If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead.

Romans 5:5 (NKJV)

Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (TPT)

Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. 5 Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. 6 Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. 7 Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.

During this holiday season, let’s let love win!

Here is another angle to be aware of during the holidays:

Holidays are a tough time for many people when they are reminded of life changes, such as the death of a family member, or a divorce, or for some, something like moving to a new city or state where they have no family.

For some people, when you get together with relatives and friends, and there has been past tension in these relationships, it makes the social setting awkward.

For others, mental and emotional baggage from past events keeps them from enjoying today’s moments.

We all must be willing to confront past mental and emotional pain.

Here is some help!

Philippians 3:13 (NIV)

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

Forgetting (Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance)

to lose out of mind; by implication, to neglect: — to be forgetful of.

We must purposefully choose to “lose out of the mind” those hurts or angering things that produce unforgiveness about issues in our past.

Good mental health, lives in the present not the past, and anticipates a positive future!

Hurt is another word for anger!

Emotional pain does not go away alone.

Many people think that if they ignore mental/emotional relational weights that they will just lessen, and eventually go away.

They do not go away. They become internalized and cause additional problems!

2013 – tooth after biking accident.

Burying mental and emotional pain (anger) hardens us to God’s presence and to closer, richer fellowship with the people in our lives.

Mental and emotional pain (anger) is tied to unforgiveness that we hold towards family, friends, and even God, when life events disappoint us.

If we choose not to forgive, a root of bitterness could spoil relationships

Hebrews 12:15 (NLT)

Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

* Bitter Root Judgments

Anger and resentment at what someone has done to you, with an undertone that they owe you something because of what they did.

Because of this, you expect the same thing that happened in one relationship to happen in another. This causes a sour attitude towards the offender and eventually spills over into other relationships.

* Bitter Root Expectations

You look for others to do to you what the offender has done, or you expect the offender to repeat the offense over and over.

Exaggerated responses often indicate emotional/mental struggles that may stem from unforgiveness!

I have had to deal with forgiving people who have hurt me in my past if I want to rid myself of bitter roots that weigh down my emotions.

* My 1st girlfriend ran away and got married to someone else!

* People who were not honest with promises made to me.

* People who rejected me as a child – produced a fear reaction when their challenging opinions disagreed with my own.

How to be freed from bitter roots:

1. Make a list of the people you may see over the holidays, and where you may hold an offense.

Remember that every relationship leaves a mark on my life.

The degree that the relationship affects me is determined by:

1) its depth (how close I am to the person) and

2) its intensity (how frequently I interact with the person).

2. Take one person at a time and ask the Lord to show you any unresolved issues in your mind towards the person.

As Christians, we often think we forgive others when we really don’t go back and deal with the detailed thoughts about a relationship that have left a “print” on us.

3. Make any judgments you have towards a person into one-sentence statements. Include the event that occurred, and also how it made you feel.

Lord, when _______ did _______, it made me feel _______. I forgive ______ for what he/she did, and choose to forgive them completely. He/she owes me nothing.

4. Confess to the Lord what you have judged the person for, and how what they made you feel. Ask Him to forgive you for judging the person. Then tell the Lord that you forgive the person and that you release the judgments that you have against them by faith.

For deeply emotional issues, you may need another person with you to help you and to identify with you as a human who has been wronged by another.

Action Points:

1. Do you have family and friends that have hurt you?

2. Are you willing to give up your “right” to hold offense towards them?