Tips For Developing Your Prayer Life (part 2)
5.4.2025
Introduction
I want to talk to you today about developing your personal prayer life.
E.W. Kenyon
Prayer should be as natural as breathing and enjoyable as eating!
One of the most important things we can do right now is develop our prayer life and keep it strong.
Don’t wait for the crises of life to come to learn to pray. Learn to pray before the crisis, or you will be at a disadvantage.
God is a spirit. We are spirit, soul, and body.
We must learn how to spiritually connect with the Lord in prayer.
WiFi keeps people connected with all their apps and social media; prayer keeps you in touch with the Creator of all that is!
That means we must push past our humanness, our flesh, and learn to commune with God.
A huge aid in this is the Baptism with the Holy Spirit and praying in tongues.
The spiritual pressure has never been greater!
Jesus told the disciples not to leave Jerusalem until they had received the power of God. (Acts 1:8)
God wants you to talk to Him, to commune with Him!
The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD,
But the prayer of the upright is His delight.
The offering of the evil-doer is disgusting to the Lord, but the prayer of the upright man is his delight.
Get into the Word. Even better, get the Word into you! Then learn to pray!
In my first Bible School in SC, I heard this definition of prayer:
Prayer is praying in the name of Jesus, according to the Word of God, by the Holy Spirit, without ceasing.
Romans 12:12 (PHILLIPS)
Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come, endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer.
A habit is something you do consistently without thinking a lot about it. It’s something you do that becomes part of your routine.
What kind of prayer habits do you have?
Have you developed your ability to pray?
I started my life praying:
Now I lay me down to sleep…
God is great! God is good, let us thank Him for our food…
Our Father, which art in heaven…
I’ve grown beyond that now. Have you?
In 1984, God dealt with me about getting up early to meet with Him, first of all in reading the Word, and then in prayer.
What is first in your life? Make me first in your day.
You wouldn’t think of leaving home in the morning without dressing yourself!
5/4/2025 Start
Samuel Chadwick
Satan fears nothing from prayerless studies, teaching, and preaching. He laughs at our toil, mocks at our wisdom, but trembles when we pray.
D.L. Moody
Those who have left the deepest impression on this sin cursed earth have been men and women of prayer
E.M. Bounds
How we estimate and place prayer is how we estimate and place God. To give prayer a secondary place is to make God secondary in life’s affairs.
We should not think of leaving home without praying about our day!
You deal with the demonic realm in prayer with oppression/depression/fear, panic attacks, etc.
A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.
We put on the armor of God so we can pray effectively!
We build up an ability to pray effectively over time.
It’s just like learning to drive a car. You learn by doing.
For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little.
Incremental maturity is a part of life, including our prayer life.
The earth produces the crops on its own. First a leaf blade pushes through, then the heads of wheat are formed, and finally the grain ripens.
In most everything in life, we start small and grow.
I’ve been developing my praying for 48 plus years now.
Start where you are, and develop your own prayer life.
Here are 5 tips to help you grow in prayer:
1. Meditate the scriptures about God’s Fatherly love for you.
Even though I have a church background as a child, I still had the idea that God sort of tolerated me, and that He loved me because He had to, not because He wanted to love me.
Your idea of what God is like often parallels your relationship with your human father/parents.
I found myself drawn to these scriptures that affirm God’s personal, individual love for us!
For the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me, and have believed that I came forth from God.
John 16:27 (AMPC)
For the Father Himself [tenderly] loves you because you have loved Me and have believed that I came out from the Father.
I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. 9 He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. 10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. 11 For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; 12 As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father pities his children, so the LORD pities those who fear Him.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy. 9 The LORD is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.
The LORD upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. 15 The eyes of all look expectantly to You, and You give them their food in due season. 16 You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. 17 The LORD is righteous in all His ways, gracious in all His works. 18 The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. 19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them.
The LORD opens the eyes of the blind; the LORD raises those who are bowed down; the LORD loves the righteous. 9 The LORD watches over the strangers; He relieves the fatherless and widow; but the way of the wicked He turns upside down.
2. Get to know the scriptures that promise answered prayer.
Once you know that God loves you because He wants to, the next important thing is to change your views about answered prayer.
That is, develop your faith in answered prayer.
In church as a child I heard this about prayer: Sometimes God says yes. Sometimes God says no, and sometimes He says nothing.
So prayer was sort of hit and miss. You just really never knew if He was going to answer your particular prayer. If it was answered, it was His will. If it was not answered, it was not His will.
So, the idea I got was that God pretty much did what He wanted to do. It was all up to Him, and I had little to do with it, except to acknowledge that He is God and His ways are best. And I just need to accept whatever comes as His will.
Most of the religious world thinks that way.
But, what does God’s Word say?
What God’s Word says is SO different than what I just mentioned!
And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.
Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.
So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.
And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. 24 Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.
And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.
Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 15 And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.
So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
I have made these scriptures a part of me, so that any time a crisis arises, I am ready to pray!
I encourage you to make faith in God to answer prayer a part of your consciousness!
3. Find a private place, and begin respectfully to talk to God in conversational tones.
But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. 7 And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. 8 “Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.
Notice Jesus’ prayer life:
And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there.
Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.
So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed.
And it happened, as He was alone praying, that His disciples joined Him, and He asked them, saying, “Who do the crowds say that I am?”
Now it came to pass in those days that He went out to the mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God.
What do you consider your private place of prayer?
It may be an upstairs room away from everyone.
It may be a walk. I started out going on walks in my neighborhood so that I would not fall asleep while praying!
I like to kneel to pray. When I trained my body not to fall asleep, I started a habit of praying on my knees many years ago.
Recently, I started walking in the morning and praying. Find what works for you.
I encourage a solitary place and not just praying on the run, like on your commute to work. I do too, but I also have solitary time.
Susan and I pray together too, but we have our own solitary time as well.
The more frequently you talk to someone, the deeper the conversation.
And times of silence don’t bother you. Susan and I talk all the time, so when we’re together and don’t talk, it’s ok.
4. Start talking to Him about your most pressing needs. Ask and expect Him to answer!
Start with thanksgiving and praise.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
Then just tell Him what is happening, how it concerns you, and ask Him to work it out!
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6 (PHILLIPS)
Don’t worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus.
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 (PHILLIPS)
You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern.
1 Peter 5:7 (AMPC)
Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.
5. Keep an unconscious attitude of prayer, praise and thanksgiving throughout the day.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NKJV)
Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—
I pray in the spirit under my breath when I’m in the grocery store, or working in the yard, or doing something around the house. The idea is to stay in fellowship with God your Father all day long!
Smith Wiggleswort:h
I don’t usually pray more than 30 minutes, but I never go more than 30 minutes without praying!
- Meditate the scriptures about God’s Fatherly love for you.
- Get to know the scriptures tht promise answered prayer.
- Find a private place, and begin respectfully to talk to God in conversational tones.
- Start talking to Him about your most pressing needs. Ask and expect Him to answer!
- Keep an unconscious attitude of prayer, praise and thanksgiving throughout the day.
Action Points:
- Is your prayer life growing, or has it remained about the same?
- Can you easily approach God as your Father?
- Do you expect answers when you pray?
- Do you seek to keep an unconscious attitude of prayer going throughout your day?
Tips For Developing Your Prayer Life
4.27.2025
Introduction
I want to talk to you today about developing your personal prayer life.
One of the most important things we can do right now is develop our prayer life and keep it strong.
The spiritual pressure has never been greater!
Don’t wait for the crisis of life to come to learn to pray. Learn to pray before the crisis, or you will be at a disadvantage.
The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD,
But the prayer of the upright is His delight.
The offering of the evil-doer is disgusting to the Lord, but the prayer of the upright man is his delight.
Get into the Word. Even better, get the Word into you! Then learn to pray!
In my first Bible School in SC, I heard this definition of prayer:
Prayer is praying in the name of Jesus, according to the Word of God, by the Holy Spirit, without ceasing.
Romans 12:12 (PHILLIPS)
Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come, endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer.
What kind of prayer habits do you have?
Have you developed your ability to pray?
I started my life praying – Now I lay me down to sleep…God is great! God is good, let us thank Him for our food…Our Father, which art in heaven…
I’ve grown beyond that now. Have you?
In 1984, God dealt with me about getting up early to meet with Him, first of all in reading the Word, and then in prayer.
You wouldn’t think of leaving home in the morning without dressing yourself!
We should not think of leaving home without praying about our day!
You deal with the demonic realm in prayer oppression/depression/fear panic attacks, etc
A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.
We build up an ability to pray effectively over time.
Just like learning to drive a car, you learn by doing.
Whom will he teach knowledge? And whom will he make to understand the message? Those just weaned from milk? Those just drawn from the breasts?
10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little.”
Incremental maturity is a part of life, including our prayer life.
The earth produces the crops on its own. First a leaf blade pushes through, then the heads of wheat are formed, and finally the grain ripens.
In most everything in life, we start small and grow.
I’ve been developing my praying for 48 plus years now.
Start where you are and develop your own prayer life.
Here are 4 tips to help you grow in prayer:
1. Meditate the scriptures about God’s Fatherly love for you.
Even though I have a church background as a child, I still had the idea that God sort of tolerated me, and that He loved me because He had to, not because He wanted to love me.
For the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me, and have believed that I came forth from God.
For the Father Himself [tenderly] loves you because you have loved Me and have believed that I came out from the Father.
I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. 9 He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. 10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. 11 For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; 12 As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father pities his children, so the LORD pities those who fear Him.
The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy. 9 The LORD is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.
The LORD upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. 15 The eyes of all look expectantly to You, and You give them their food in due season. 16 You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. 17 The LORD is righteous in all His ways, gracious in all His works. 18 The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. 19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them.
The LORD opens the eyes of the blind; the LORD raises those who are bowed down; the LORD loves the righteous. 9 The LORD watches over the strangers; He relieves the fatherless and widow; but the way of the wicked He turns upside down.
2. Get to know the scriptures that promise answered prayer.
In church as a child I heard this about prayer: Sometimes God says yes, sometimes God says no, and sometimes He says nothing.
So prayer was sort of hit and miss. You just really never knew if He was going to answer your particular prayer. If it was answered, it was His will. If it was not answered, it was not His will.
So, the idea I got was that God pretty much did what He wanted to do. It was all up to Him and I had little to do with it, except to acknowledge that He is God and His ways are best. And I just need to accept whatever comes as His will.
Most of the religious world thinks that way.
But, what does God’s Word say?
What God’s Word says is SO different than what I just mentioned!
And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.
Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.
And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. 24 Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.
And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.
Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 15 And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.
Faith for answered prayer comes from knowing the Word of God about prayer.
So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
I have made these scriptures a part of me, so that any time a crisis arises, I am ready to pray!
3. Find a private place, and begin respectfully to talk to God in conversational tones.
But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. 7 And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. 8 Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.
And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there.
Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.
So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed.
And it happened, as He was alone praying, that His disciples joined Him, and He asked them, saying, “Who do the crowds say that I am?”
Now it came to pass in those days that He went out to the mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God.
What do you consider your private place of prayer? It may be an upstairs room away from everyone.
It may be a walk. I started out going on walks in my neighborhood so that I would not fall asleep while praying!
I like to kneel to pray. When I trained my body not to fall asleep, I started a habit of praying on my knees many years ago.
Recently, I started walking in the morning and praying. Find what works for you.
I encourage a solitary place and not just praying on the run, like on your commute to work. I do too, but I also have solitary time.
Susan and I pray together too, but we have our own solitary time as well.
The more frequently you talk to someone, the deeper the conversation.
And times of silence don’t bother you. Susan and I talk all time, so when we’re together and don’t talk, it’s ok.
4. Start talking to Him about your most pressing needs. Ask and expect Him to answer!
Start with thanksgiving and praise.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
Then just tell Him what is happening, how it concerns you, and ask Him to work it out!
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6 (PHILLIPS)
Don’t worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus.
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 (PHILLIPS)
You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern.
1 Peter 5:7 (AMPC)
Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.
5. Keep an unconscious attitude of prayer, praise and thanksgiving throughout the day.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NKJV)
Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—
I pray in the spirit under my breath when I’m in the grocery store, or working in the yard, or doing something around the house. The idea is to stay in fellowship with God your Father all day long!
Smith Wigglesworth:
I don’t usually pray more than 30 minutes, but I never go more than 30 minutes without praying!
1. Meditate the scriptures about God’s Fatherly love for you.
2. Get to know the scriptures tht promise answered prayer.
3. Find a private place, and begin respectfully to talk to God in conversational tones.
4. Start talking to Him about your most pressing needs. Ask and expect Him to answer!
5. Keep an unconscious attitude of prayer, praise and thanksgiving throughout the day.
Action Points:
1. Is your prayer life growing, or has it remained about the same?
2. Can you easily approach God as your Father?
3. Do you expect answers when you pray?
4. Do you seek to keep an unconscious attitude of prayer going throughout your day?
This is What Jesus Christ Did for You
Easter 2025
4.20.2025
Early on Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. 2 She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, “They have taken the Lord’s body out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” 3 Peter and the other disciple started out for the tomb. 4 They were both running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. 5 He stooped and looked in and saw the linen wrappings lying there, but he didn’t go in. 6 Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there, 7 while the cloth that had covered Jesus’ head was folded up and lying apart from the other wrappings. 8 Then the disciple who had reached the tomb first also went in, and he saw and believed—9 for until then they still hadn’t understood the Scriptures that said Jesus must rise from the dead. 10 Then they went home.
Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene
11 Mary was standing outside the tomb crying, and as she wept, she stooped and looked in. 12 She saw two white-robed angels, one sitting at the head and the other at the foot of the place where the body of Jesus had been lying. 13 “Dear woman, why are you crying?” the angels asked her. “Because they have taken away my Lord,” she replied, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14 She turned to leave and saw someone standing there. It was Jesus, but she didn’t recognize him. 15 “Dear woman, why are you crying?” Jesus asked her. “Who are you looking for?” She thought he was the gardener. “Sir,” she said, “if you have taken him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will go and get him.” 16 “Mary!” Jesus said. She turned to him and cried out, “Rabboni!” (which is Hebrew for “Teacher”). 17 “Don’t cling to me,” Jesus said, “for I haven’t yet ascended to the Father. But go find my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”
Introduction
1 Corinthians 1:18-21 (TPT)
The True Power of the Cross
18 To preach the message of the cross seems like sheer nonsense to those who are on their way to destruction, but to us who are on our way to salvation, it is the mighty power of God released within us. 19 For it is written: I will dismantle the wisdom of the wise and I will invalidate the intelligence of the scholars. 20 So where is the wise philosopher who understands? Where is the expert scholar who comprehends? And where is the skilled debater of our time who could win a debate with God? Hasn’t God demonstrated that the wisdom of this world system is utter foolishness? 21 For in his wisdom, God designed that all the world’s wisdom would be insufficient to lead people to the discovery of himself. He took great delight in baffling the wisdom of the world by using the simplicity of preaching the story of the cross in order to save those who believe it.
1 Corinthians 1:27-29 (NCV)
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and he chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 He chose what the world thinks is unimportant and what the world looks down on and thinks is nothing in order to destroy what the world thinks is important. 29 God did this so that no one can brag in His presence.
1 Corinthians 2:14 (TPT)
Someone living on an entirely human level rejects the revelations of God’s Spirit, for they make no sense to him. He can’t understand the revelations of the Spirit because they are only discovered by the illumination of the Spirit.
Here is the foundation to understand the death and resurrection of Christ:
1. We are moral sinners and cannot go to heaven the way we are.
The background for the Easter story of Jesus is our personal sinfulness.
God is holy, and we are sinful. Though He loves us, His love alone cannot allow us entrance into heaven when we die, because we are impure and He is pure.
We often hear of God’s love, but we must understand that God is holy, and nothing that is unholy can get near Him, or even enter heaven. So, God in His love for us must find a way for us, as sinners, to be able to come near Him.
Our sinfulness has to be cleansed legally to satisfy God’s need to be just and fair in His love for us. Someone has to pay our sin penalty in order for God to justly forgive us.
Without personal cleansing from sin, we cannot go to heaven when we die. We will go to hell. Not because God wants us to, but because we are impure as sinners, and we would demoralize the pureness of heaven with our sin.
We are born in sin and unable to approach a Holy God.
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 5:12 (Passion Translation)
When Adam sinned, the entire world was affected. Sin entered human experience, and death was the result. And so death followed this sin, casting its shadow over all humanity, because all have sinned.
And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment, 28 so also Christ was offered once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him.
For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. 18 There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son.
Easter is all about God’s love for us, and about His desire for us to know Him, and be with Him.
Seven points about heaven’s view (the spiritual side) of Jesus’ sacrifice:
1. Jesus’ physical suffering was light compared to His spiritual sufferings.
Jesus’ physical sufferings were extreme. Even barbaric.
He was betrayed by one of His close associates with a kiss, a signal of deep friendship and affection.
Then, He was led to Caiphas’ judgment hall, where in front of the Jewish High Priest, He was blindfolded, spit upon, insulted and beaten.
He was taken to Pilate, then Herod. He was mocked at and jeered, clothed with a purple mock garment of kingly authority, and then a mock crown made from thorns was placed on His head to insult Him.
He was sadistically beaten until His body was emaciated by the Roman bone, glass, and metal-tipped whip.
Worn out from the pain of His beatings, He was made to carry His own heavy cross upon which He would hang in crucifixion.
Then, adding insult to injury, He was attached to the cross by spikes that were driven into His hands and feet, and then hung naked in the grueling sun. As He hung there, He was mocked and ridiculed by the crowd.
Death by crucifixion would come by asphyxiation, as the person failed to be able to bear the pain of pushing against the nails in the hands and feet in order to breathe.
We often give most of the attention to Jesus’ gruesome physical sufferings.
His physical sufferings were only a door to the necessary path that gave us freedom from sin and a hope of life beyond death.
Paul mentioned in Ephesians 6 that our combat is not just physical but spiritual!
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Paul tells us that our weapons are spiritual, since our biggest enemies are spiritual.
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,
2. Jesus’ death on the cross was a deliberate act sanctioned by God’s will. He went to the cross by the purpose of God.
Him, being delivered by the determined purpose and foreknowledge of God, you have taken by lawless hands, have crucified, and put to death;
As Jesus prayed, He came to know that He must die for the sins of the world.
Three time Jesus mentions His future death to His disciples:
“The Son of Man must suffer many terrible things,” he said. “He will be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He will be killed, but on the third day He will be raised from the dead.”
“Listen to me and remember what I say. The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of His enemies.” 45 But they didn’t know what He meant. Its significance was hidden from them, so they couldn’t understand it, and they were afraid to ask Him about it.
Jesus Again Predicts His Death
Taking the twelve disciples aside, Jesus said, “Listen, we’re going up to Jerusalem, where all the predictions of the prophets concerning the Son of Man will come true. 32 He will be handed over to the Romans, and He will be mocked, treated shamefully, and spit upon. 33 They will flog him with a whip and kill Him, but on the third day He will rise again.” 34 But they didn’t understand any of this. The significance of His words was hidden from them, and they failed to grasp what He was talking about.
He was despised and rejected by mankind, a Man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. 4 Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted.
In the gospels, He was struck and whipped by men, but the prophet Isaiah saw Him struck and smitten by God!
God saw Jesus as a substitute payment for our sins.
But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed. 6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
See also Psalm 22 and Psalm 88, which depict Jesus’ sufferings hundreds of years before they happened!
3. God allowed Jesus to become our sin.
Jesus was pure. When He was baptized by John the baptist, God spoke from heaven saying – This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased.
He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth. 23 When they hurled their insults at Him, he did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.
When Jesus hung on the cross, the entire human race was represented by Him. He literally took every person’s place as their sin payment. He was our substitute. He hung there as a judgment for our sin.
2 Corinthians 5:21 (Passion Translation)
For God made the only One who did not know sin to become sin for us, so that we who did not know righteousness might become the righteousness of God through our union with Him.
Jesus became every wrong thought, word, or action for every single man, woman, boy, or girl that has ever lived or will ever be born. He was pure. He never sinned in what He said, in what He thought, or what He did.
Yet, He stood in our place and bore that penalty that the holiness of God requires as our sin payment, so that we can enter heaven.
Upon Jesus’ sinless spirit life came our sin, and He was rejected by God, just like we are in our sin.
Mark 15:34 (TPT)
Then at three o’clock Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”
At that moment, your sins were being placed upon Jesus the Christ!
Isaiah 53:8 (CJB)
After forcible arrest and sentencing, He was taken away; and none of His generation protested His being cut off from the land of the living for the crimes of my people, who deserved the punishment themselves.
4. Jesus became our spiritual death.
Jesus actually died twice.
He died spiritually when God forsook Him as He cried out My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? Spiritual death is actually separation from God.
Only after Jesus died spiritually did He die physically that day.
And that is what happened to Jesus right then. God forsook Him. He became our spiritual death, our separation from God.
Notice Isaiah 53:10-12
Isaiah 53:10-12 (New Century Version)
But it was the LORD who decided to crush Him and make Him suffer. The LORD made His life a penalty offering, but He will still see His descendants and live a long life. He will complete the things the LORD wants Him to do. 11 After His soul suffers many things, He will see life and be satisfied. My good servant will make many people right with God; He will carry away their sins. 12 For this reason I will make Him a great man among people, and He will share in all things with those who are strong. He willingly gave His life and was treated like a criminal. But he carried away the sins of many people and asked forgiveness for those who sinned.
Sin is not JUST a physical thing. Sin is a spiritual problem. And you cannot solve a spiritual problem with a physical penalty only.
There had to be a spiritual payment for sin. To pay it, Jesus HAD to become our spiritual death, our separation from God.
What we do see is Jesus, who for a little while was given a position “a little lower than the angels”; and because he suffered death for us, he is now “crowned with glory and honor.” Yes, by God’s grace, Jesus tasted death for everyone.
Not JUST physical death, but spiritual death too.
5. When He died, Jesus also went to Hell in our place.
The penalty for sin is separation from God and being placed in hell. Jesus went there for you!
For as Jonah was in the belly of the great fish for three days and three nights, so will the Son of Man be in the heart of the earth for three days and three nights.
For David says concerning Him: I foresaw the Lord always before my face, For He is at my right hand, that I may not be shaken. 26 Therefore my heart rejoiced, and my tongue was glad; moreover my flesh also will rest in hope. 27 For You will not leave my soul in Hades, nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
But the righteousness of faith speaks in this way, “Do not say in your heart, ‘Who will ascend into heaven?’ ” (that is, to bring Christ down from above) 7 or, “ ‘Who will descend into the abyss?’ ” (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead).
But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8 Therefore He says: “When He ascended on high, He led captivity captive, And gave gifts to men.” 9 (Now this, “He ascended”—what does it mean but that He also first descended into the lower parts of the earth? 10 He who descended is also the One who ascended far above all the heavens, that He might fill all things.)
Jesus stayed there until God was satisfied that our sin penalty was paid by Him.
6. Jesus was raised from spiritual death to spiritual life, and then He was resurrected from physical death!
Jesus was actually the first person to be born again!
After God’s justice towards our sin was satisfied, the Holy Spirit came on Jesus there in hell, and His fellowship with God returned. He was born spiritually. Jesus was born again!
And He is the head of the body, the church; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy.
God was manifested in the flesh, Justified in the Spirit, Seen by angels, Preached among the Gentiles, Believed on in the world, Received up in glory.
1 Timothy 3:16 (Rotherham Translation)
And, confessedly great, is the sacred secret of godliness,–Who was made manifest in flesh, was declared righteous in spirit, was made visible unto messengers, was proclaimed among nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory.
Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.
For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.
7. Jesus was raised from the dead into a new, glorified body, and promises us a new body one day!
Sin marked our bodies for death. But Jesus’ resurrection guarantees that we will receive a new body when He returns!
Now when the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices, that they might come and anoint Him. 2 Very early in the morning, on the first day of the week, they came to the tomb when the sun had risen. 3 And they said among themselves, “Who will roll away the stone from the door of the tomb for us?” 4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away—for it was very large. 5 And entering the tomb, they saw a young man clothed in a long white robe sitting on the right side; and they were alarmed. 6 But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid Him. 7 But go, tell His disciples—and Peter—that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you.”
I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death.
What I am saying, dear brothers and sisters, is that our physical bodies cannot inherit the Kingdom of God. These dying bodies cannot inherit what will last forever. 51 But let me reveal to you a wonderful secret. We will not all die, but we will all be transformed! 52 It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed. 53 For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies. 54 Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled: “Death is swallowed up in victory. 55 O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”
Summary:
Jesus’ physical death made a way for Jesus to become our sin sacrifice. His death was God’s preordained will. Jesus died spiritually, becoming our sin. As our sin substitute, He went to hell and paid our sin penalty Himself. He was then Justified by God on our behalf, and was raised from spiritual death to spiritual life. Then, Jesus was raised from physical death to guarantee us that we will live in heaven with a glorified body for eternity, just like Him.
Action Points:
- Do you believe that Jesus took your separation from God so that you could come back to God?
- Do you believe that Jesus paid the penalty for your personal sin when He died?
- Do you believe that Jesus did time in Hell for you so that you never have to go there?
- Do you believe that Jesus rose from the dead into a new transformed physical body?
- Have you been born again by accepting Jesus’ payment for your sins?
If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.
God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage (part 5)
More Questions and Answers
4.6.2025
Podcasts
Blogs
Text – Questionvc to the phone number 94000
Andrew and Nana Hans – small group – (next mtg: Sat, Apr 19th, sign-up is on website)
Ephesians 5:22-28 (JB Phillips)
You wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord, for the husband is the “head” of the wife in the same way that Christ is head of the Church and saviour of the body. The willing subjection of the Church t Christ should be reproduced in the submission of wives to their husbands. 25-27 But, remember, this means that the husband must give his wife the same sort of love that Christ gave to the Church, when he sacrificed himself for her. Christ gave himself to make her holy, having cleansed her through the baptism of his Word—to make her an altogether glorious Church in his eyes. She is to be free from spots, wrinkles or any other disfigurement—a Church holy and perfect. Men ought to give their wives the love they naturally have for their own bodies. The love a man gives his wife is the extending of his love for himself to enfold her.
Colossians 3:18-19 (JB Phillips):
Wives, adapt yourselves to your husbands, that your marriage may be a Christian unity. 19 Husbands, be sure you give your wives much love and sympathy; don’t let bitterness or resentment spoil your marriage.
1 Peter 3:1-7 (JB Phillips)
1-6 In the same spirit you married women should adapt yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they do not obey the Word of God they may be won to God without any word being spoken, simply by seeing the pure and reverent behaviour of you, their wives. Your beauty should not be dependent on an elaborate coiffure, or on the wearing of jewellery or fine clothes, but on the inner personality—the unfading loveliness of a calm and gentle spirit, a thing very precious in the eyes of God. This was the secret of the beauty of the holy women of ancient times who trusted in God and were submissive to their husbands. Sara, you will remember, obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. And you have become, as it were, her true descendants today as long as you too live good lives and do not give way to hysterical fears.
7 Similarly, you husbands should try to understand the wives you live with, honouring them as physically weaker yet equally heirs with you of the grace of eternal life. If you don’t do this, you will find it impossible to pray properly.
Success in marriage is based on your being willing for the rest of your life to give up every part of single thinking.
But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
Questions sent in anonymously:
How do I trust God’s timing and direction when I feel called to step into something new, like pursuing my creative work full-time, but also have financial and family responsibilities to consider?
When it is time, God will speak both to you AND your spouse.
And, when your “hobby” starts earning enough money to support your family, that’s when you know it’s the right time!
In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.
The Bible says it’s adultery to marry a man who’s wife is still living.
Furthermore it has been said, Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
Israel committed “adultery,” that is, they worshipped false gods thus breaking their covenant with God.
New Covenant living is not harder than old covenant living.
Under the Old Covenant, Divorce was allowed!
Two Biblical reasons for Divorce: Adultery and desertion by the unbeliever.
When divorce occurs, there is a breaking of a covenant made before God. And that is adultery, that is, adultery is the breaking of a covenant made before God.
(Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB) Study Bible Notes)
Jesus challenged a loose rabbinic paraphrase of Dt 24:1 that distorted the original meaning of the text. In the hands of the rabbis, Dt 24:1 greatly multiplied the number of offenses that could justify divorce. For instance, rabbinic commentaries on Dt 24 cited minor complaints such as a wife’s fading beauty or her tendency to burn food as legitimate grounds for divorce. However, Jesus kept true to Dt 24:1 and insisted that sexual immorality is the legitimate grounds for divorce.
When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, 2 when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, 4 then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.
Husbands that are in ministry are very faithful to God’s work (thank God). A common cry in the wives of those men is that they feel like they are just in the background, he takes care of God’s people and God’s things quickly and immediately but is slow to take care of the things his wife asking. Wives of husband’s in ministry often feel resentful and lonely. It appears that you are balanced in this area. What tips and advice would you give to couples in ministry? IE: Balance and all of the things that goes into making that wife feel heard, seen, loved and remembered (by her husband)?
There are sacrifices in ministry (before marriage this needs to be discussed). We must respect the call of God yet at the same time care for our families.
Don’t allow your “ministry” to become your mistress! Or in the case of a lady, your “mister!”
My personal daily goal: To do in my daily life what I value tomorrow.
So, time with: God, spouse, to work, mental free time, hobbies and recreation, physical exercise.
My weekends are busy with ministry, so I have made sure I make up for it by making time for Susan and I to date, and when the kids were young, by not scheduling my nights with church work!
How do you handle a spouse who claims to be a Christian but acts like the devil… shows no fruit of the Holy Spirit and constantly deliberately and intentionally tries to provoke.
Not everyone who says they are a Christian is a Christian.
What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
Maybe your husband or wife is a Christian, but has not yet grown spiritually and is a baby Christian. Baby Christians are selfish.
Again, is the spouse really a believer?
Either this person is not really born again, or, he or she is still a spiritual infant. If you don’t get into the Word and get your mind renewed, and if you refuse to discipline yourself, you will not grow spiritually. And you will not be satisfied, and you will not have satisfying relationships with those who are growing believers.
So, how do you deal with him?
1 Peter 3:1-2 (PHILLIPS)
In the same spirit you married women should adapt yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they do not obey the Word of God they may be won to God without any word being spoken, simply by seeing the pure and reverent behaviour of you, their wives.
1 Peter 2:18-21 (PHILLIPS)
You who are servants should submit to your masters with proper respect—not only to the good and kind, but also to the difficult. A man does something valuable when he endures pain, as in the sight of God, though he knows he is suffering unjustly. After all, it is no credit to you if you are patient in bearing a punishment which you have richly deserved! But if you do your duty and are punished for it and can still accept it patiently, you are doing something worthwhile in God’s sight.
21-25 Indeed this is part of your calling. For Christ suffered for you and left you a personal example, and wants you to follow in his steps. ‘Who committed no sin, nor was guile found in his mouth’. Yet when he was insulted he offered no insult in return. When he suffered he made no threats of revenge. He simply committed his cause to the one who judges fairly.
We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death.
Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’
What are some practical ways to keep God at the center of our marriage while balancing work, finances, and future planning?”
Read together, talk, go to church together. Take walks together. Watch Christian movies together, listen to Christian music at home while you do things. Treat each other the way you want to be treated.
Seek to meet each others needs.
Love with what you do, not just with what you say!
Actions speak louder than words.
Men need encouragement. Women need love.
Quit trying to change your spouse and start loving them right where they are and how they are!
If someone were to marry someone who is not in the faith despite reading the word, and knowing they should NOT be unequally yoked with a child of the devil, how would that person reconcile the marriage? Did I mention unequally yoked with a child of the devil? Let me just say it one more time, ok? Child of the devil. Did I mention child of the devil?
Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.
If you know what to do but refuse to do it, you are extremely unwise.
I have talked to many who will not listen. Against the Bible and my counsel, they marry a non-Christian anyway. And some fall away from God and never recover.
I’m a man and I was in a very abusive relationship. It ended very badly and i was taken advantage of in every way you could think of (emotional, physical, mental, sexual, etc.) What would you say someone who is scared of marriage should do? I want to get married I’m just a little fearful of what could happen.
Hebrews 12:15 – Bitter Root Stronghold/Expectation
Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;
How do you know the person is the right one?
Be willing to hear the opinions of others, and listen carefully to the witness of your own heart.
14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall;
But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.
The spirit of man [that factor in human personality which proceeds immediately from God] is the lamp of the Lord, searching all his innermost parts.
The more physical a dating relationship becomes, the more difficult it becomes to know if the person is right for you.
If your family or other trusted people are questioning your relationship with someone, so should you!
SHEET
Is it ok for an ex- spouse, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, to still talk to my husband or wife?
No!
Former relationships need to be cut! Ditch being Facebook friends, Instagram friends, Snapchat friends, etc, with previous relationships after marriage.
Texting former lovers must stop!
I refuse close opposite sex friends that are not friends with Susan.
Is it ok if other women or men try to talk to your spouse and hit on them in front you while you are standing there, and they say nothing when the spouse addresses the issue and say that you are being jealous?
That person blame shifts just like Adam did with Eve when confronted by God about his disobedience.
Today, we call it gaslighting.
Speak up and speak clearly! This person is not serious about their marriage.
What can you do if the husband or wife looks at other women or men and the spouse sees them do it and they deny they are doing it in front of you?
This person has a lust problem. Are they viewing porn?
Pornography deadens the conscience and ruins marriage.
Jesus Teaches about Lust
27 “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”
What to do if the husband or wife wants you to do something in the bedroom that is against the Bible and your religious beliefs, and makes you feel uncomfortable? They keep saying that according to the Bible you should comply.
Everything a married couple does together at home and otherwise should have the full agreement of both of them.
Amos 3:3 – How can two walk together unless they agree?
Is it ok for a spouse to pressure their spouse to work outside the home if the spouse has a disability? Is it ok for a spouse to keep harping about you getting a job and helping financially when you are doing as much as you can with temporary work from home that is often short contracts that must be entered into over and over again?
Marriage is a 100/100 relationship. You commit to God and to each other 100% of yourself, and seek to work together. You are not competing with each other, you are working together.
Get some help!
What do you do when your spouse blames you for things that happen that are not your fault and out of your control. For example, you lose your job due to no fault of your own, like being laid off. In addition, the spouse blames you for not trying or they say that you don’t want to work?
I sense here a person who has come from a challenging home environment.
Blame shifting when addressing disagreements solves no problems!
Selfishness, lack of communication, and lack of interpersonal skills here are hindering you.
Get some help from your church staff team or a Christian counselor.
What does the Bible say about men being head of the household? Women are the helpmate. Does it matter how much money the wife makes? What if the husband makes more than the wife but the husband wants the wife to make more money or prefers her to make more than he does because of her education?
Financial problems are a major source of marriage disagreement.
Each person in the relationship needs to show a commitment of doing their best to earn income and to help financially by abiding by a budget.
Budget, tithe, save, and talk!
Again, get some help!
The next question has to do with boundaries.
The most important relationship in your life after Jesus is your marriage!
Is it ok for the blended family due to a previous marriage or divorce to have children, yet the children of the previous relationship still have not met the new spouse or their children who are adults?
When married, after your relationship with Jesus, the marriage relationship becomes the most important relationship in your life!
And, if you have been married and have children,before you marry again, if at all possible, meet the children from previous marriages.
Should one spouse stop pursuing their dream or career if the other doesn’t & won’t support said dream or goal?
You don’t have a covenant with your dream or with your career, you have a covenant with your spouse in marriage! They come first, before your dream, before your career.
The most important person in your life after Jesus is your spouse.
Take time – talk it out, pray – Susan and me, Tulsa, here, 1994
If a man is a polygamist and accepts Christ, should he divorce and be left with 1 wife? (my grandfathers on both sides were polygamous and this now is an acceptable law in Kenya).
God will deal with a believer in this situation – Lester Sumrall
- As long as I can remember, I have never wanted any children of my own. Don’t misunderstand me, I love children to death and greatly enjoy them but again, I don’t want any. However, I would like to get married someday. Am I wrong?
Discuss this before you marry!
In America, we have in many ways become self-centered!
Everything has become what I want, not what glorifies God and is best for others or the other person.
Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 35 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it.
J.B. Phillips Translation
Then he called his disciples and the people around him, and said to them, “If anyone wants to follow in my footsteps, he must give up all right to himself, take up his cross and follow me. The man who tries to save his life will lose it; it is the man who loses his life for my sake and the Gospel’s who will save it.
Action Points:
- What can you do today to strengthen your relationship with your spouse?
- What changes can you make to your life that will make it easier for your spouse to get along with you?
- Are you acting as though your marriage is the most important thing in your life after your relationship with Jesus?
God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage (part 4)
Questions and Answers
3.23.2025
1 Corinthians 7 – The Passion Translation.
Success in marriage is based on your being willing for the rest of your life to give up every part of single thinking.
Questions sent in anonymously:
What do you do when your spouse keeps talking about how they don’t know why they got married , and they stated they want a divorce a couple of times but did not really explain why. What do we do about disagreements about the wife’s job and about finances in general? And what about significant debt that was brought into the marriage? Who is responsible for it?
Go see someone for some one on one ministry!
My staff team, and we have excellent Christian counselors in the area.
1. Talk to your pastor or his team before you marry.
2. Divorce does not solve problems. It’s not a “problem marriage.” It’s two people who brought their personal sin and dysfunction into the marriage.
3. You are one. Your debt becomes our debt. Your money becomes our money.
4. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
1 Peter 3:1-2 (NLT)
Wives
Submission
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)
Husbands
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)
A Word to Husbands
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Question for singles for marriage series from Pastor Mitch,
Can you please talk about single women and men going after Married men and women?
If you are single and you are a christian, you should only date solid christians, not pseudo Christians. And you have no business courting adultery by talking closely to a married person much less dating them.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (TPT)
The Temple of the Living God
14 Don’t continue to team up with unbelievers in mismatched alliances, for what partnership is there between righteousness and rebellion? Who could mingle light with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and Satan? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What friendship does God’s temple have with demons? For indeed, we are the temple of the living God, just as God has said: I will make my home in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people. 17 For this reason, “Come out from among them and be separate,” says the Lord. “Touch nothing that is unclean, and I will embrace you. 18 I will be a true Father to you, and you will be my beloved sons and daughters,” says the Lord Yahweh Almighty.
If you are married, you should NOT have friendships with the opposite sex that are not also friends with your spouse.
If you are single and you are “going after a married person” you are in sin!
If you are separated and not divorced, you should not date until the divorce is final, and papers are signed. You are still married during that time! Honor God by keeping your conscience clean.
How do I pray for God to give me a spouse?
Read 1 Corinthians 7!
If you cannot be joyful as a single, you will never be happy as a married person.
1 John 5:14-15 (NLT)
And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. 15 And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.
Is it not correct for the man to find the woman and not the woman seeking to find a man?
Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the LORD.
Stop trying so hard!
Is it ok to live with a boyfriend and girlfriend before marriage.
Why is it a sin to have sex before marriage?
1 Corinthians 6:18 (AMP)
Run away from sexual immorality [in any form, whether thought or behavior, whether visual or written]. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the one who is sexually immoral sins against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (AMP)
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you, whom you have [received as a gift] from God, and that you are not your own [property]? 20 You were bought with a price [you were actually purchased with the precious blood of Jesus and made His own]. So then, honor and glorify God with your body.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (NLT)
3 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4 Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—5 not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. 6 Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. 7 God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. 8 Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 (PHILLIPS)
3-8 God’s plan is to make you holy, and that entails first of all a clean cut with sexual immorality. Every one of you should learn to control his body, keeping it pure and treating it with respect, and never regarding it as an instrument for self-gratification, as do pagans with no knowledge of God. You cannot break this rule without in some way cheating your fellow-men. And you must remember that God will punish all who do offend in this matter, and we have warned you how we have seen this work out in our experience of life. The calling of God is not to impurity but to the most thorough purity, and anyone who makes light of the matter is not making light of man’s ruling but of God’s command. It is not for nothing that the Spirit God gives us is called the Holy Spirit.
How do you know the person is the right one?
Proverbs 11:14 (NKJV)
14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall;
But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
Proverbs 16:3 (AMP)
3 Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.
Proverbs 20:27 (AMP)
27 The spirit of man [that factor in human personality which proceeds immediately from God] is the lamp of the Lord, searching all his innermost parts.
The more physical a dating relationship becomes, the more difficult it becomes to know if the person is right for you.
If your family or other trusted people are questioning your relationship with someone, so should you!
Is it ok for an ex- spouse, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, to still talk to my husband?
No!
Former relationships need to be cut! Ditch being Facebook friends, Instagram friends, Snapchat friends, etc, with previous relationships after marriage.
Texting former lovers must stop!
Is it ok if other women or men try to talk to your spouse and hit on them in front you while you are standing there, and they say nothing when the spouse addresses the issue and say that you are being jealous?
Speak up and speak clearly! This person is not serious about their marriage.
What can you do if the husband or wife looks at other women or men and the spouse sees them do it and they deny they are doing it in front of you?
This person has a lust problem. Are they viewing porn?
Pornography deadens the conscience and ruins marriage.
Matthew 5:27-29 (NLT)
Jesus Teaches about Lust
27 “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
What to do if the husband or wife wants you to do something in the bedroom that is against the Bible and your religious beliefs, and makes you feel uncomfortable? They keep saying that according to the Bible you should comply.
Everything a married couple does together at home and otherwise should have the full agreement of both of them.
Amos 3:3 – How can two walk together unless they agree?
Is it ok for a spouse to pressure their spouse to work outside the home if the spouse has a disability? Is it ok for a spouse to keep harping about you getting a job and helping financially when you are doing as much as you can with temporary work from home that is often short contracts that must be entered into over and over again?
Marriage is a 100/100 relationship. You commit to God and to each other 100% of yourself, and seek to work together. You are not competing with each other, you are working together.
What do I do when your spouse blames you for things that happen that are not your fault and out of your control . For example, you lose your job due to no fault of your own, like being laid off. In addition, the spouse blames you for not trying or they say that you don’t want to work?
I sense here a person who has come from a challenging home environment.
Selfishness, lack of communication, and lack of interpersonal skills here are hindering you.
Get some help from your church staff team or a Christian counselor.
What does the Bible say about men being head of the household? Women are the helpmate. Does it matter how much money the wife makes? What if the husband makes more than the wife but the husband wants the wife to make more money or prefers her to make more than he does because of her education.
Financial problems are a major source of marriage disagreement.
Each person in the relationship needs to show a commitment of doing their best to earn income and to help financially by abiding by a budget.
Budget, tithe, save, and talk!
The next question has to do with boundaries.
The most important relationship in your life after Jesus is your marriage!
Is it ok for the blended family due to a previous marriage or divorce to have children, yet the children of the previous relationship still have not met the new spouse or their children who are adults?
When married, after your relationship with Jesus, the marriage relationship becomes the most important relationship in your life!
Should one spouse stop pursuing their dream or career if the other doesn’t & won’t support said dream or goal?
Take time – talk it out, pray – Susan and me, Tulsa, here, 1994
If a man is a polygamist and accepts Christ, should he divorce and be left with 1 wife? (my grandfathers on both sides were polygamous and this now is an acceptable law in Kenya).
God will deal with a believer in this situation – Lester Sumrall
3. As long as I can remember, I have never wanted any children of my own. Don’t misunderstand me, I love children to death and greatly enjoy them but again, I don’t want any. However, I would like to get married someday. Am I wrong?
Discuss this before you marry!
In America, we have in many ways become self centered . Everything has become what I want, not what glorifies God and is best for others or the other person.
Mark 8:34-35 (NLT)
34 Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 35 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it.
J.B. Phillips Translation
Then he called his disciples and the people around him, and said to them, “If anyone wants to follow in my footsteps, he must give up all right to himself, take up his cross and follow me. The man who tries to save his life will lose it; it is the man who loses his life for my sake and the Gospel’s who will save it.
God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage (part 3)
What is the wife’s role in the marriage?
3.9.2025
Review
February 23 – Cultural Norms That Conflict With God’s Will
Marriage as it has been defined for thousands of years is under attack.
When you dishonor marriage, you ruin a culture…
March 2 – What Does it Mean to be One Flesh?
The closeness designed for marriage is revealed in the creation of man.
God created male and female on the same day – all in one body!!
A great definition of marriage:
One man and one woman united spiritually, emotionally, physically, publicly and legally, in a lifetime bond of loyal love, for procreation, channeling sexual and emotional energy, and serving as a civilizing and stabilizing factor in society.
– I Never Thought I’d See the Day by David Jeremiah, p. 110
Today: What is the wife’s role in the marriage?
What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband?
How far does the wife’s submission go?
How does this fit in with women being equal in the workplace?
Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Let’s talk for a moment about the woman’s place in marriage.
The backdrop for good relationships in general:
So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. (16) Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. (17) Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. (18) Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, (19) singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. (20) And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Nothing can take the place of a solid relationship with the Lord that fills us up inside and meets our needs for significance and love!
One of the best things you can do for your marriage is to develop your closeness with Jesus.
But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.
Motivations, attitudes, and ways of acting and reacting all change when we enter a close relationship with the Lord.
In fact, a relationship with Jesus brings with it a new way to love others, beginning with your spouse in your home!
1 John 3:14
We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death.
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Then Marriage and the husband wife responsibilities are mentioned:
Ephesians 5: 21-33 (NLT)
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (22) For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (23) For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. (24) As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
(25) For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her (26) to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. (27) He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. (28) In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. (29) No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. (30) And we are members of his body. (31) As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (32) This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. (33) So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Let’s look at this passage verse by verse:
(21) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Before we can treat another person fairly, we must have the right opinion of ourselves – humility.
Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.
In the same way, you who are younger must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. (6) So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.
Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? (2) Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. (3) Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. (4) Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
Submitting to one another means keeping another person’s needs and desires in mind as you relate to them. Love puts another person’s needs and desires above your own!
In this next section of scripture, God shows wives as being responders and husbands as being aggressors.
(22) For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
There are two roles for the wife mentioned in Ephesians 5. Four verses mention the wife submitting and respecting.
(22) For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
(23) For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
(24) As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
(33) So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Men need respect, affirmation, and praise
Women need love, and tender care.
A wife’s two roles in the marriage are to submit and respect.
A man’s role in the marriage is to be a lover, leader, and a provider.
So here in verse 22, Paul encourages wives to submit to their husbands.
Let’s talk about submission for a bit!
7 things to note about submission:
1. In the Bible, when God mentions the roles of authority and submission, He always addresses the one in submission first!
I believe God did this to emphasize the responsibility of submission regardless of the person in authority.
Eph. 5: 22-24 – Wives, then husbands.
Eph. 6: 1-4 – Children, then parents.
Eph. 6: 5-9 – Servants (employees) then masters (bosses).
1 Timothy 6: 1-2 – Slaves, then masters.
1 Peter 3: 1-7 – Wives, then husbands.
Genesis 3: 16-17 – Serpent, woman, then man.
2. Submission only works among equals.
Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Notice again verse Ephesians 5:24:
(24) As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
We must ask then, how do we submit to Jesus?
It’s easy to submit to Jesus…
He has made us equal in position – not in function…
For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.
Jesus is the head of the church, and He has elevated us to sit beside Him!
And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.
Similarly – Husbands and wives are equal in position, not function.
3. Submission is voluntary – never forced.
Jesus doesn’t force us – He asserts no authority that we do not willingly yield to Him.
Because of His love, we willingly submit.
A husband can never force his wife to submit to him.
A narcissist may force, but a husband that loves his wife will not!
4. Submission is an attitude of the heart!
Notice again Ephesians 5:24
As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
In everything, as long as it doesn’t violate the WORD
Ex – “Don’t go to church anymore.”
A wife’s first responsibility is to the Lord
Her second responsibility is to her husband…
5. Submission and obedience are not the same…
Obedience is outward – Submission is inward.
It’s possible to be submissive – yet not obedient to do something a husband asks to do that is wrong.
It’s possible to be obedient, yet passively rebellious…
6. How far does submission go?
Submission does not mean SILENCE!
If the wife disagrees, she should voice her opinion clearly, then leave the decision to her husband…
**Dissent without voice breeds anger and resentment…
7. Sarah – A Wife’s Example…
For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
So she laughed silently to herself and said, “How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master—my husband—is also so old?”
Though submissive, Sarah was still free to voice her opinion to Abraham. AND GOD TOLD HIM TO LISTEN TO HIS WIFE!!
Genesis 16: 1-6 (NLT)
Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. (2) So Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. (3) So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.) (4) So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt. (5) Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!” (6) Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.” Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away.
Genesis 21: 9-12 (NLT)
But Sarah saw Ishmael—the son of Abraham and her Egyptian servant Hagar—making fun of her son, Isaac. (10) So she turned to Abraham and demanded, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son. He is not going to share the inheritance with my son, Isaac. I won’t have it!” (11) This upset Abraham very much because Ishmael was his son. (12) But God told Abraham, “Do not be upset over the boy and your servant. Do whatever Sarah tells you, for Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted.
TRUE SUBMISSION IS THE SUBJECTION OF LOVE TO THE RULE OF LOVE!
Action points:
1. Human relationships work best when we are closely related to the Lord.
Open yourself everyday to Jesus by Bible reading and prayer.
Ask Him to help you be the best spouse for your husband or wife.
Ask God to help you deal with selfishness in your life.
The older you marry, the more selfish and set in your way you may become!
2. Seek to meet the needs in your spouse. Women need love. Men need
affirmation.
Wives – “You did a great job on…the yard, painting that room, planning the vacation, etc”
You’re a good man. I’m glad I married you.
Husband – tell your wife you love her. Show her by doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning the house, giving her a break from the kids..
3. Submission works when people are viewed as equals; it can’t be forced,
and it is an attitude of the heart. True submission works when both
persons are free to express their views.
Respect each other’s opinions.
In a healthy relationship, solutions to disagreements should go both ways. In that way you submit to each other..l
When a last word is needed on decisions, let the husband have it as the head of the home.
Wives, don’t try to control your husbands. Jezebel controlled King Ahab in the OT (1 Kings 21:25)
Don’t be a doormat if you are in an abusive relationship. Love stands for what is right.
God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage (part 2)
What does it mean to be One Flesh?
3.2.2025
Review
Hebrews 13:4 (TPT)
Honor the sanctity of marriage and keep your vows of purity to one another, for God will judge sexual immorality in any form, whether single or married.
Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the LORD.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Marriage as it has been defined for thousands of years is under attack.
When heterosexual marriage is dishonored, a culture will fail.
Marriage is the foundation for family life and the training of children.
A great definition of marriage:
One man and one woman united spiritually, emotionally, physically, publicly and legally, in a lifetime bond of loyal love, for procreation, channeling sexual and emotional energy, and serving as a civilizing and stabilizing factor in society.
– I Never Thought I’d See the Day by David Jeremiah, p. 110
How bright is the light in your home?
Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
*If the Word of God does not affect your marriage and family life, then you will not change your world or have an impact on those around you.
The light in you shines no brighter than it does in your home.
Today:
What Does it Mean to be One Flesh in Marriage?
The closeness designed for marriage is revealed in the creation of man.
God created male and female on the same day – all in one body!!
Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Verse 26 is referring to the creation of the body from the ground.
Make:
Hebrew – asah
To make from already existing material
Verse 27 is referring to the creation of the spirit of man…
created
Hebrew – bara
To create something out of nothing!
The spirit and soul of both Adam and Eve was in Adam on the day when he was created!
Notice Genesis 2:7
And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life (Hebrew – plural – lives); and man became a living being.
Inside of Adam was the spirit and soul of the woman! Adam had a male body, but the spiritual essence of both male and female was within him.
This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; 2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
Adam and Eve’s spirits were created on the same day.
Adam’s body was created on the sixth day of creation. It is not known how long afterward Eve’s body was created.
Inside of him was them!
Why did God do this? He wanted a closeness in marriage not found in any part of creation.
The Creation of the Woman’s body
Genesis 2:18-20
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
God took more than the rib out of Adam. He also took the spirit and soul of the woman out of him!
God made women different from any other created thing!
Animals and Adam were made directly from the ground, but the woman came out of Adam’s side.
Matthew Henry – Bible Commentator
“She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”
(from The Bible Exposition Commentary: Old Testament © 2001-2004 by Warren W.Wiersbe. All rights reserved.)
Why did God take the woman out of the man instead of directly from the ground?
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
The woman came from the man’s body because their relationship was to be different from any other relationship in all of creation.
God wanted the marriage relationship to be more than a body to body relationship. He wanted it to be a spirit, soul, and body relationship!
Adam had knowledge of Eve’s spirit and soul long before her body was created.
There is a spiritual bond between husband and wife not found anywhere else in creation.
Our culture puts the sexual relationship first.
Don’t fall in love with the body; fall in love with the person in the body first!
The morality of marriage
God took one rib from Adam and made one woman. God planned that marriage consist of one man and one woman for life!
There is a sense of morality in marriage not found anywhere in the animal kingdom.
There is no such thing as immorality among animals – they have no morals.
Very few animals mate for life. Most have multiple mates.
But God planned that there be one man for one woman for life!
That’s the reason the woman was taken out of the man. That act created a special relationship called marriage!
When people are sexually promiscuous, it places the soul and body in a state of confusion. We were never created to mate like animals!
Proverbs 6:32
Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul.
In marriage, there is an analogy of Jesus and the church
God knew that Adam would sin and that one day Jesus would pay the price for his sin. The analogy of marriage helps us understand Jesus and the church.
The Old Testament sacrifices and priesthood all point to Jesus. And, the one flesh relationship in marriage points to Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for us!
In 1 Corinthians 15:45, Jesus is called the last Adam. He was born outside of the curse without sin.
Jesus carried the church within Him. Ephesian 1:4 says that we were chosen in Him from the foundation of the world!
Jesus carried the spirit and soul of the church in Him to the cross. There, His side was opened, and God began to build the body of Christ from the “rib” of Jesus. That body is still being built today.
God presented Eve to Adam, and one day we the bride of Christ will be presented to Jesus without spot or wrinkle! (Ephesians 5:27).
Perhaps the attack today on marriage is really a subtle attack on the Lord Jesus Himself, since marriage reflects His relationship to the church.
One flesh is designed by God to be the closest relationship known to a man or woman.
1 Corinthians 6:17 (AMPL)
But the person who is united to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him.
Don’t continue to think as a single person if you are married!
There is a similar change to how you live life as a married person, as there was when you came to Jesus!
As a believer, you do not think of living independently from Jesus. He is involved in all you do!
When I married Susan, there was a fundamental change! From then on, I could not live independently from her, for my time was not just mine but also hers.
I could not spend money independently any longer. What is mine is also hers.
We are One Flesh.
Action Points
- Do you value the sacredness of Marriage as the closest relationship possible between two people?
- Do you value the sacredness of sexual intimacy as an act only fulfilled within marriage?
- Marriage is worth working through your problems! Don’t give up on your spouse or yourself.
God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage (Part 1)
Cultural Norms That Conflict With God’s Will
2.23.2025
Introduction
Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
Over the next few weeks, I want to talk about Marriage – God’s Original Blueprint For Marriage.
Today – Cultural Norms That Conflict With God’s Will.
Susan and I will be married for 46 years on September 22.
Marriage as it has been defined for thousands of years is under attack.
When you dishonor marriage, you ruin a culture…
The world has changed since we were married in 1979. But, our personal values have NOT changed.
In this series, we’re going to address the following questions:
What do you think about marriage?
If you are not married and want to be married, what in your mind makes a good marriage that lasts?
If you are married, how do you deal with differences that produce friction?
If you are divorced, what do you think God thinks about divorce? How do you deal with your children after divorce?
If you are married to a person who is not a Christian, how do you show them the change Jesus has brought into your life?
How do you make marriage a pleasant experience?
Why did God create the relationship called marriage in the first place?
Does God recognize same-sex marriage?
How do you solve problems that come up in marriage?
Email me your questions about marriage! Pastor@victorychurchraleigh.com
We’re going to cover:
The current cultural climate and then contrast that to what God says. (I have some quotes from the year we were married that are shocking).
What it means to be One Flesh
The Role of the Woman in the Home
The Role of the Man in the Home
The Glue That Keeps Marriage Together – Unconditional Love
Good Communication
Married to a Non-Christian?
Divorce, Remarriage, and the Bible
Sex – The Gauge of Your Marriage Closeness
Today:
The current cultural climate in contrast to what God says.
Marriage was God’s Idea.
God’s idea of marriage and family life is not:
-Two roommates sharing a house.
-Several ladies sharing an apartment.
-Several men sharing an apartment.
-A homosexual or lesbian couple sharing a house.
The world system has nothing to do with God’s value system.
It is controlled by the spirit of Antichrist and is anti morality,
anti monogamous marriage, anti self-control, anti long range
relational planning, and anti family!
The World system is based on atheism, evolution, relative
values, and amorality.
It is an AntiChrist system that leaves God and the Bible out of
human relationships!
God’s idea of family is based on the concept of
heterosexual marriage.
Hetero is from the Greek word Heteros which means
different or other.
15 The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. 16 But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—17 except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.
God NEVER created a male to marry a male, or a female to marry a female!
A great definition of marriage:
One man and one woman united spiritually, emotionally, physically, publicly and legally, in a lifetime bond of loyal love, for procreation, channeling sexual and emotional energy, and serving as a civilizing and stabilizing factor in society.
– I Never Thought I’d See the Day by David Jeremiah, p. 110
Marriage creates a family that is intended by God to be the incubator of human personality.
Think about it:
Young animals survive on their own in a few weeks or months – chicken/kitten/puppy.
A human baby is fed a few months by its mother and then must undergo years of training at home before that child is ready to go out on its own.
God’s original family plan included a male father and female mother creating a nurturing environment for human personality to grow and thrive.
Nothing can take the place of the home environment of a loving mother and father who nurture a child in an atmosphere of love.
The Shema
Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. 5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Mezuzah)
Malachi 2:15 (AMPC)
And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.
Jesus was raised in a home with a mother and a father.
As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. 21 And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus,for he will save his people from their sins.”
When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife.
Then he returned to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. And his mother stored all these things in her heart. 52 Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people.
If God knew that His incarnate Son needed to be raised in a family with a mom and a dad, then it must be really important!
God chose Abraham because He would raise His family to honor God.
Should I hide my plan from Abraham?” the Lord asked. 18 “For Abraham will certainly become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth will be blessed through him. 19 I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised.”
The Revisionists’ Ideas of Marriage and Family Will Destroy America.
Before there was a nation, a government, or a church, there was a heterosexual marriage.
Without a family based on heterosexual marriage, there is no ability to pass values to the next generation.
Without the foundation of heterosexual marriage, there is no way to communicate values and discipline to children.
So, every generation carries the seeds of its own demise.
A quote from many years ago…
http://www.familypolicyinstitute.com/fpi/deathofmarriage.pdf
Louis P. Sheldon is the founder of the Traditional Values Coalition. He wrote an article many years ago entitled The Destruction Of Marriage Precedes The Death Of A Culture.
And I want to give you a few quotes from this article written many years ago.
In his 1979 book, Our Dance Has Turned To Death, Christian sociologist Carl W. Wilson outlined the dangers facing traditional marriage and the family in America’s increasingly sexualized culture. Wilson could clearly see what was going to happen to the American family if our society continued to be sex-saturated.
Wilson noted that history reveals that nations decline and eventually die when sexual immorality becomes rampant and the traditional family is discarded in favor of group sex, homosexuality, infidelity, and unrestrained sexual hedonism. He pointed to the writings of British anthropologist J. D. Unwin, whose 1934 book, Sex and Culture, chronicled the historical decline of numerous cultures. Unwin studied 86 different cultures throughout history and discovered a surprising fact: No nation that rejected monogamy in marriage and premarital sexual chastity lasted longer than a generation after it embraced sexual hedonism. Unwin stated it this way, “In human records there is no instance of a society retaining its energy after a complete new generation has inherited a tradition which does not insist on prenuptial and postnuptial continence.” [Or, self-control both before and after marriage].
Unwin found that nations that valued traditional marriage and sexual abstinence were creative and flourished. He described this as “cultural energy” that can only be maintained when sexual activities remain restricted within marriage.
Sociologist Pitirim Sorokin, in The American Sex Revolution, found essentially the same thing when he examined sexual immorality as it relates to cultural decline. Sorokin noted in the late 60’s that America was committing “voluntary suicide” through unrestrained sexual indulgence. He observed that as individuals began engaging in premarital sex unrelated to marriage, the birth rate would decline and our nation would be slowly depopulated. He predicted an increase in divorce, desertion, and an epidemic of sexual promiscuity resulting in a rise in illegitimate children. His predictions, unfortunately, have come true.
Sorokin’s study of decadent cultures convinced him that a healthy society can only survive if strong families exist and sexual activities are restricted to within marriage. Sexual promiscuity leads inevitably to cultural decline and eventual collapse.
Carl Wilson notes that decadent cultures display seven typical characteristics: Men reject spiritual and moral development as the leaders of families; men begin to neglect their families in search of material gain; men begin to engage in adulterous relationships or homosexual sex; women begin to devalue the role of motherhood and homemaker; husbands and wives begin to compete with each other and families disintegrate; selfish individualism fragments society into warring factions; and men and women lose faith in God and reject all authority over their lives. Soon, moral anarchy reigns. When the family collapses, the society soon follows.
If we do not learn from history, we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past. And, once the decline begins, it will be very difficult to turn things around.
Marriage Definition:
Marriage is a Covenant We Make Before God to Give Another Person the Companionship They Need In Order To Prevent Loneliness.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
A covenant of companionship
To deliver you from the immoral woman, from the seductress who flatters with her words, 17 Who forsakes the companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God.
Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
Marriage is a Covenant of Companionship.
It parallels our relationship to Jesus.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.
Action Points
- Make a decision to fight for your marriage!
- Talk to your children about the origin of marriage and why it is important.
- Pray for marriages.
- Do your ideas of marriage and God’s original intention for marriage agree?
Homosexual and lesbian marriage are doomed to failure.
- Do you see marriage as a covenant of companionship?
When Susan and I first married 46 years ago, we talked about problems that would
arise, and determined to never look to divorce as a solution to problems.
- If marriage is a model of Jesus’ relationship and commitment to the church, what do
I need to change in the way I treat my spouse?
What Does the Lord Require?
Sunday, February 16, 2025
Meera Short
I want to share with you today a simple passage in scripture that I believe is very relevant to us living the life that God has created us to live.
8 He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?
To require something according to Webster’s definition suggests the imperativeness that arises from inner necessity, compulsion of law or regulation, to claim or ask for by right and authority; to demand as necessary or essential. Simply put, it is to have an expectation, or a demand placed on someone. It may also imply that there may be some conditions or consequences placed when these said “requirements” are not met.
So, it is fair to say that in this passage of scripture, the Lord is saying to us, I am asking you and expecting you to do some things.
Three distinct directives are given to us in this passage of scripture.
1- Act Justly
2- Love Mercy
3- Walk Humbly
To Act Justly –
The meaning of just is tied to the biblical word righteousness. To be a just person means that I will conform myself to be a person who is morally upright. It means that my thoughts and actions will line up with doing things that are right and fair. The way that I respond to God will be with honor, reverence, and respect. The way that I treat others will be with moral integrity, honesty, and fairness. It means that I will be law abiding and responsible and that I will choose to do what is right in God’s eye.
If I were to call myself a “just person” and act justly, it would mean that I will walk with integrity, I will be honest, I will be morally upright in my actions, words, and my deeds.
If I have a biblical worldview, it means that I will seek to follow the requirements and the directives of God’s Word. It means that I will submit myself to something that is diametrically opposed to the way things are in our current culture. It means that my standard of living is set by the Word of God.
To Love Mercy –
From the Hebrew word “hesed” – meaning goodness, kindness, faithfulness. It’s speaking of a characteristic of God Himself. It is directly related to how we love our fellow men. Choosing to love others who are created in the expressed image of God by being good to them. Choosing to express kindness to others in the face of adversity, when it’s inconvenient, when we don’t feel like it, when it is unappreciated or rejected. It is remaining faithful and steadfast in the situation that tries and tests us. After all, has not God extended His goodness, kindness, and faithfulness to us?
For me to love mercy, it means that I would look for ways to respond with mercy and compassion toward others.
To Walk Humbly –
To walk humbly means that I would put away my need to be acknowledged and received and esteemed by others. It means that I would be submissive when I needed to be, and modest before God and others. A humble person is not a person who hates “on” themselves; it is not a self-condemning person. It is a person who thinks of themselves less and others more.
Practically living out these three directives:
1- Because God is just, we too must be just!
The word just is used over 421 times in the Bible. It is used as one of the attributes of God. He is the definition of all that is just, fair, and equitable. He is partial to no one and unbiased towards all. He is all that is perfect and true.
All throughout the Bible from the OT to the NT, we see so many stories of God’s just ways.
We can look back in the garden with the first man and woman and see that when they sinned, God showed that He was just. Before Adam and Eve sinned, God gave Adam instructions as to which tree he should not eat from (Gen 2:17). When Adam disobeyed, God had to execute discipline for this sin. If He didn’t do this, evil would continue in man forever, in that man would have been able to live forever. Justice is necessary in life.
Moses says in
“The Rock, His work is perfect, for all His ways are justice. A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is He.”
Deuteronomy 10:17 AMPC
For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, the terrible God, Who is not partial and takes no bribe.
Revelation 15:3 NKJV
They sing the song of Moses, the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying: “Great and marvelous are Your works,
Lord God Almighty!
Just and true are Your ways,
O King of the saints!
Being people who are just and righteous in our actions, thoughts and attitudes towards others is a serious responsibility.
Scripture talks about when Jehoshaphat appointed judges to judge over God’s people
2 Chronicles 19:5-7 Message
And he was diligent in appointing judges in the land—each of the fortress cities had its judge. He charged the judges: “This is serious work; do it carefully. You are not merely judging between men and women; these are God’s judgments that you are passing on. Live in the fear of God—be most careful, for God hates dishonesty, partiality, and bribery.”
We must learn to do what is good, to seek out justice, and to correct things that are wrong. We are mandated to help the fatherless and the true widows. To help the poor and those who are oppressed. We must be people who search for truth in all situations.
Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke [a]the oppressor;[b]Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.
Blessed are those who keep justice, And he who does righteousness at all times!
Zechariah 7: 9 AMPC
Thus has the Lord of hosts spoken: Execute true judgment and show mercy and kindness and tender compassion, every man to his brother;
Proverbs 21:3 Message
Clean living before God and justice with our neighbors mean far more to God than religious performance.
We are required as children of God to walk justly with others; to do and keep before us what is morally right. Just like Jesus did.
Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.
2- Because God is merciful, we too must show mercy!
When God exercised justice with Adam and Eve when they sinned, it was the first example of His mercy shown to us. He makes a better covering for them to cover their nakedness (Gen 3:21). When Cain sinned by killing his brother Abel, God again judged the sin. When God told Cain what the consequences for his sin would bring, Cain cried out to the Father and said this was too much to bear; he cried out to the Father that others would try to kill him. And Father God in His compassion, with His merciful heart, did something for Cain to protect him from being destroyed (Gen 4:13-15).
Lamentations 3:22-23 AMPC
It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.
Being a just person gives us the ability to be merciful to others.
Zechariah 7:9 AMPC
Thus has the Lord of hosts spoken: Execute true judgment and show mercy and kindness and tender compassion, every man to his brother;
Jesus speaks to us about this.
Luke 6:36 AMPC
So be merciful (sympathetic, tender, responsive, and compassionate) even as your Father is [all these].
Matthew 5:7 AMPC
Blessed (happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous—with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy!
James the Elder writes to us:
James 2:13 Easy English Bible
God will not forgive anyone who has not forgiven other people. But God is kind! He judges us, but even more than that, he forgives us!
If I show mercy to others, I will receive mercy from God.
3- Jesus is humble, we too must be humble!
Charles Spurgeon ~ “I would not advise any of you to try to be humble, but to be humble. As to acting humbly, when a man forces himself to it, that is poor stuff. When a man talks a great deal about his humility, when he is very humble to everybody, he is generally a canting hypocrite. Humility must be in the heart, and then it will come out spontaneously as the outflow of life in every act that a man performs.”
Look at Jesus. He was entirely lowly and submissive to the Father’s will and plan. His entire human life, and choosing to lay down His life, had to do with thinking of the Father and reconciling us back into relationship with the Father. Remember, a truly just person will be merciful. Christ is our example.
Philippians 2:5-8 Message
Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.
Can we put aside our positions, our titles, our justification to be upset and get that last word in, can we put our rights aside and consider the needs of others above our own? Can we be okay if no one knows our name or acknowledges us? Can we be okay when no one sees us, and no accolades are given to us? Can we be okay with knowing that God sees us and knows us?
James 4:6 Living Bible
But he gives us more and more strength to stand against all such evil longings. As the Scripture says, God gives strength to the humble but sets himself against the proud and haughty.
The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom, And before honor is humility.
Philippians 2:3-4 AMPC
3 Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves].4 Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others
We are to walk in humility with others, considering that we would be nothing without Jesus and His forgiveness. It’s this humbling of our heart that we will begin to look at others through the eyes of the Lord.
Another quote from Charles H Spurgeon ~ “True humility is thinking rightly of thyself, not meanly. When you have found out what you really are, you will be humble, for you are nothing to boast of. To be humble will make you safe. To be humble will make you happy. To be humble will make music in your heart when you go to bed. To be humble here will make you wake up in the likeness of your Master by-and-by.”
Moving Forward:
What are some areas that you may be compromising in that are unjust?
It could be as little as working for a restaurant and giving away free drinks without your employer’s permission. It could be stealing time from your company. We must choose to walk justly before God. Turning a blind eye towards the willful sin of others that you share responsibilities with. These are all unjust behaviors that if left unchecked will turn into major life challenges.
How can you be more merciful towards others?
Evaluate your compassion toward others when they have done something that you can’t get over. Consider the things God has delivered and forgiven you off.
How do you look at others? Do you look down on others? Do you show partiality towards others based on their social status?
Think on how you engage others. Do you change how you behave and talk from one group to another, with one person or another? Consider how you feel when you are right about something, or when someone knows more than you. These are little things that can make a big difference inwardly.
Proverbs 6:16-19 AMPC
16 These six things the Lord hates, indeed, seven are an abomination to Him:17 A proud look [the spirit that makes one overestimate himself and underestimate others], a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 18 A heart that manufactures wicked thoughts and plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, 19 A false witness who breathes out lies [even under oath], and he who sows discord among his brethren.
We must be diligent to pursue what pleases God!
A God-Honoring Life
Tough Love
2.9.2025
Introduction
The love of God is the baseline that is to rule all of our personal interaction.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
We are to act and respond in love…
The Love of God is not something we feel, it’s something that we do.
Do the loving thing…
We all are imperfect in this. All of us. No exceptions.
Spiritual growth is seen in how we handle relationships. And in how we deal with challenging personal relationship situations.
Spiritual growth is shown not in how we deal with the people we get along with, but how we deal with people who mistreat us, take advantage of us, or do things that rub us the wrong way!
A couple of weeks ago I talked about loving our enemies.
Last week we began talking about the other side of love.
Because God loves us, He corrects us!
No one will love you the way God does, and no one will shoot straight with you like He does either!
And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the LORD’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you.
6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” 7 As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? 8 If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. 9 Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever? 10 For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. 11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.
In our relationships, there is a place for tough love.
vs 6 – Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth
The Amplified Bible
It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
Yes, love is kind and caring, but love must also confront when another person’s actions hurt others.
When we are persecuted for being a believer, we turn the cheek, we love our enemy.
But when someone’s actions harm others, we must speak up!
Love stands for what is right, and it will expose hypocrisy, and will take a stand and defend the innocent!
Proverbs 27:5-6 (NKJV)
Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. (6) Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Good News Translation
Better to correct someone openly than to let him think you don’t care for him at all. (6) A friend means well, even when he hurts you. But when an enemy puts his arm around your shoulder–watch out!
Love stands for what is right, and will stand up for others when their rights are being violated.
Love will not stand by idly when God and His standards are being attacked. Love will confront wrongdoing in deference to the good of all involved!
How can you tell whether to turn the other cheek or to challenge a situation?
Here’s the deciding factor: When others do you wrong, you don’t retaliate. Remember, love doesn’t take account of the evil done to it; doesn’t pay attention to a suffered wrong.
But love will hold accountable those whose actions hurt others. Love always puts others first. And when someone is being hurt or unjustly dealt with, love will come to their defense.
Love will challenge the behavior of the alcoholic who is being irresponsible and leading his family into poverty or extreme debt.
Love will challenge the person who abuses a child physically, emotionally, or sexually, and will do what is necessary to stop the hurtful actions.
I’ve called law enforcement on a number of occasions when I saw that laws were being broken and pain was being inflicted on the innocent.
When I called the authorities, I was really acting out of love, because love “finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth.”
I have stepped in and challenged husbands who for many years physically and psychologically abused their wives.
I’ve encouraged parents to confront the irresponsible child in their 20’s that lives in the home and doesn’t work. The parents were actually acting out of selfish motives to allow this behavior to continue! They were only thinking of themselves, and not of the needed maturity in the life of their son or daughter!
Notice what Paul had to do when a church member chose sinful living over purity:
I can hardly believe the report about the sexual immorality going on among you—something that even pagans don’t do. I am told that a man in your church is living in sin with his stepmother. 2 You are so proud of yourselves, but you should be mourning in sorrow and shame. And you should remove this man from your fellowship.
3 Even though I am not with you in person, I am with you in the Spirit. And as though I were there, I have already passed judgment on this man 4 in the name of the Lord Jesus. You must call a meeting of the church. I will be present with you in spirit, and so will the power of our Lord Jesus. 5 Then you must throw this man out and hand him over to Satan so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved on the day the Lord returns.
6 Your boasting about this is terrible. Don’t you realize that this sin is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough?
If I choose to say nothing about a dysfunction in my home, choosing to say or do nothing, then I become as dysfunctional as the person committing the offense.
The term codependency or a codependent person refers to the family who sits by and allows the alcoholic etc to ruin the family and the future of the children.
Notice the last part of the chapter:
When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. 10 But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. 11 I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.
There are people that I will not associate with! Why? Because what they have said or done has injured the body of Christ, and to fellowship with them sends the signal that I think what they have done is ok.
Notice how Paul deals with a person living an irresponsible life:
But we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly and not according to the tradition which he received from us.
Did he say take them to lunch and act like all is well?
Did he say leave them in the group or position they are in and act like all is well?
No! He said that we are to withdraw from them.
(7) For you yourselves know how you ought to follow us, for we were not disorderly among you; (8) nor did we eat anyone’s bread free of charge, but worked with labor and toil night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, (9) not because we do not have authority, but to make ourselves an example of how you should follow us. (10) For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. (11) For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. (12) Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread. (13) But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good. (14) And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. (15) Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.
There are people that I will not associate with! Why? Because what they have said or done has injured the body of Christ, and to fellowship with them sends the signal that I think what they have done is ok.
Paul deals with a person who is dividing the church.
If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them. 11 For people like that have turned away from the truth, and their own sins condemn them.
Living Paraphrase
If anyone is causing divisions among you, he should be given a first and second warning. After that have nothing more to do with him, (11) for such a person has a wrong sense of values. He is sinning, and he knows it.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, we give you this command in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Stay away from all believers who live idle lives and don’t follow the tradition they received from us.
I know that false teachers, like vicious wolves, will come in among you after I leave, not sparing the flock. 30 Even some men from your own group will rise up and distort the truth in order to draw a following.
Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm. May the Lord repay him according to his works. 15 You also must beware of him, for he has greatly resisted our words. 16 At my first defense no one stood with me, but all forsook me. May it not be charged against them.
Love is patient, kind, humble, forgiving, and believes the best on one hand.
On the other hand, love steps in with discipline when a person’s actions hurt others.
Action Points:
1. Are you willing to enact tough love in hurtful relationships in your life?
2. Are you willing to lovingly challenge irresponsibility when it hurts a person or others who are involved?
3. What is the difference in loving your enemy and standing up for what is right?