Seven Tips to Help Your Marriage!

9.22.2024

Susan and I were married on this date in 1979 – 45 years ago today!

I want to talk to you today about how to strengthen your marriage.

The family unit is the glue that holds any human society together. And marriage is the foundation of the family.

If marriage loses its value, then that society is in danger of collapse. Marriage and family are God’s plan to pass values and morality from one generation to the next.

As goes the family, so goes the nation.

 

In our nation, we have more couples living together without marriage (yes, the Bible calls this fornication) and having children than ever before.

40 to 50% of first time marriages end in divorce. 60 to 67% of 2nd marriages end in divorce in America. And in recent years, the very idea of marriage being a relationship solely between a man and a woman has been challenged.

We are a nation in great danger. Our moral fabric is coming apart!

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord

(Proverbs 18:22-NLT).

Genesis 2:18-25 (NLT)

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Seven tips to help your marriage:

1. Nurture yourself spiritually every day.

Your spiritual life directly affects your closest relationships.

 

1 John 1:7 (NLT)

But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, cleanses us from all sin.

 

Without Jesus’ influence on us, we are inherently self-centered.

 

The natural me and you, without Jesus’ influence, are selfish, stubborn, and proud.

 

How about family devos?

 

Rub off the rough edges by rubbing up to Jesus in the Word and prayer every day.

The Dynamo principle is personal time with God.

The Manna principle – no one can feed you inside like God’s Word will.

Get your love and significance needs met by Jesus, and then He will help you love your spouse.

2. Keep friendship alive.

Friendship revolves around common likes.

Communicate regularly your desires, joys, disappointments, ideas, concerns.

 

Share heart secrets. You can’t demean or force this. A person is made comfortable by your reaction and demeanor.

Do things together…eating, shopping, projects around the house, hobbies, cooking.

3. Express affection daily.

Touch and Words are important.

Men: open the door for your wife.

Hold hands.

Hug and kiss each time you leave or arrive at home together.

You can never wear out “I love you.”

Husband – your wife “needs” the affection.

Wives – your husband “needs” affirmation.

Ephesians 5:33 (NLT)

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her

husband.

4. Put the other person first

Practice the golden rule-

 

Luke 6:31 (NLT)

Do to others as you would like them to do to you.

 

Put your spouse above yourself.

 

Romans 12:10 (NLT)

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each

other.

 

Romans 12:10 (AMPC)

Giving precedence and showing honor to one another.

 

Romans 12:10 (MSG)

Practice playing second fiddle.

 

Romans 12:10 (NIV)

Honor one another above yourselves.

 

Romans 12:10 (NCV)

Give each other more honor than you want for yourselves.

 

Philippians 2:4 (NKJV)

Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

 

Philippians 2:4 (AMPC)

Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.

 

Philippians 2:4 (J. B. Phillips)

None of you should think only of his own affairs, but consider other people’s interests also.

 

5. Don’t ignore problems – work on them.

“Marriage problems” are really two people who individually have problem

issues in their lives…

 

Hints to solving marriage problems:

 

5. Don’t ignore problems – work on them.

“Marriage problems” are really two people who individually have problem issues in their lives…

 

Hints to solving marriage problems:

 

1. Stop looking at your spouse’s problems – look at your own!

2. Don’t justify your faults and magnify theirs.

James 5:16 (KJV)

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

3. Practice listening – stop talking.

James 1:19 (NKJV)

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

4. Develop a devotional time with the Lord.

5. Love is not a feeling.

Love is a choice. When Jesus said love your enemy, He was not talking about a feeling. He was emphasizing a choice to do kind things to your enemy.

6. Discuss solutions – not just problems.

7. Forgive.

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-13 (NKJV)

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

Humble yourself

 

Proverbs 3:34 (NKJV)

Surely He scorns the scornful, but gives grace to the humble.

 

Be honest with yourself. Ask the Lord to show you your weak areas.

 

Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 90:8 (AMPC)

Our iniquities, our secret heart and its sins [which we would so like to conceal even from ourselves], You have set in the [revealing] light of Your countenance.

 

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you generally tend to be critical of others.

 

NEVER go to bed angry. Clear each day’s offenses THAT day.

 

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT)

And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still

angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

 

Get outside help if necessary.

 

6. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Make daily communication a priority matter.

If you’re too busy to talk each day, you’re too busy!

Go below surface talk…share your heart.

Be aware of each other’s emotional needs – men vs. women.

Don’t discuss sensitive issues when physically exhausted.

7. Keep your bed wrinkled!

If there are rocks in the bedsprings, there are problems in the marriage!

 

Having regular sexual relations is a sign of a good relationship.

 

Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV)

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

 

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 contains 3 principles of sexuality in marriage that it would

be wise to apply:

 

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NLT)

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

1) The principle of need – vs. 3

2) The principle of authority – vs. 4

3) The principle of habit – vs. 5

 

* Set standards concerning your relationship with the opposite sex.

Action Points:

1. Have you decided to make yourself an easier person to be with?

2. How can you be a better listener and communicator?

3. When was the last time you asked your spouse, what can I do to make your life better?