How to Train and Discipline Your Children

12.13.2023

Prevalent Attitudes Today vs the Word.

Most of an adult’s character and personality is molded by the age of nine.

The seeds of values and choices in the 30’s and 40’s are planted in the first 9 years of life.

That’s the importance of teaching children at a very early age.

Attitudes of the world towards child training.

Husband-Coached Childbirth – Page 173.

If this is your first baby, remember the old saying – babies grow up in spite of parents – not due to them…Your only real responsibility is to love ‘em and leave ‘em… Let them be little individuals…Don’t try to force your preconceived notions of what you think they ought to do or be upon them as they grow…Let them be themselves and take joy in the privilege of being with them for awhile…In the steadily increasing lifespan of both of you, the period during which children are dependent upon you is, proportionately, very short. They acquire independence surprisingly early. They need guidance and chaperoning, of course, but don’t try to make a round peg fit into a square hole…let them be what they are, not what you think they ought to be…

Contrast The World With What God says…

Ephesians 6:1-4 (AMP)

Children, obey your parents in the Lord [as His representatives], for this is just and right. 2 Honor (esteem and value as precious) your father and your mother—this is the first commandment with a promise— 3 That all may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. 4 Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.

Proverbs 29:15 (NKJV)

The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Genesis 18:19 (NKJV)

For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.

Deuteronomy 4:9-10 (NKJV)

Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life, And teach them to your children and your grandchildren, 10 especially concerning the day you stood before the LORD your God in Horeb, when the LORD said to me, ‘Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children.’

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NLT)

Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. 5 And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 (NLT)

So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 19 Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 20 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21 so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors.

Deuteronomy 31:12-13 (NLT)

Call them all together—men, women, children, and the foreigners living in your towns—so they may hear this Book of Instruction and learn to fear the LORD your God and carefully obey all the terms of these instructions. 13 Do this so that your children who have not known these instructions will hear them and will learn to fear the LORD your God. Do this as long as you live in the land you are crossing the Jordan to occupy.”

Psalms 34:11 (NLT)

Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the LORD.

Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV))

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Psalm 78:1-6 (NKJV)

Give ear, O my people, to my law; Incline your ears to the words of my mouth. 2 I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, 3 Which we have heard and known, And our fathers have told us. 4 We will not hide them from their children, Telling to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, And His strength and His wonderful works that He has done. 5 For He established a testimony in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children; 6 That the generation to come might know them, the children who would be born, that they may arise and declare them to their children,

Quote from The Effective Father by Gordon McDonald, p. 94

Dr. Albert Siegal – Stanford Observer…

When it comes to rearing children, every society is only twenty years away from barbarism. Twenty years is all we have to accomplish the task of civilizing the infants who are born into our midst each year…These savages know nothing of our language, our culture, our religion, our values, our customs of interpersonal relations. The barbarian must be tamed if civilization is to survive.

Notice the results of raising children the world’s way…without training…

Romans 1:30 (NKJV)

Backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents…

2 Timothy 3:2 (NKJV)

For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy….

How to Train and Discipline Your Children:

Set the standard by posting rules in your home.

Be the example, set the tone, let them see your loving, stable authority.

BE what you want them to BE. LIVE what you preach!

Ephesians 6:1-4 (NKJV)

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

A short list of rules works best (you can even remember them!)

 

Rules should cover the whole of life, yet be simple.

We have three. I got these from Joe McGee…

1. Always obey all authority.

This covers so many things:

Attitude

Outward behavior

Whining

Home and elsewhere – Mom & Dad, teachers, church teachers, manager of store or business you are in, etc.

2. Get along with your brothers and sisters.

No fussing or fighting allowed, period!

Regardless of who starts it, both get disciplined.

Includes respect for each other (name calling) and property rights.

3. Tell the Truth. Never, Ever Lie!

John 8:44 – The devil is the father of liars!

Liars end up in hell!

Revelation 21:8 (NKJV)

But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.

To cure lying, discipline no fault that is confessed.

John and Suzanne Wesley’s list for training children.

Conduct a short, to the point, family meeting. Let your children know what you haven’t been doing, and what you will be changing.

 

Cover the rules for your home.

Post them throughout the house.

Let them know that beginning today, things will be very different!

Reveal to them the consequences of breaking the rules – discipline with the rod!

Discipline with the rod! Notice the scriptures…

Proverbs 13:24 (NKJV)

He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

 

Proverbs 19:18 (NKJV)

Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction.

 

Proverbs 20:30 (NKJV)

Blows that hurt cleanse away evil, as do stripes the inner depths of the heart.

Proverbs 23:13-14 (NKJV)

Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. 14 You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.

Proverbs 29:15 (NKJV)

The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:17 (NKJV)

Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul.

Why the rod? What about older children & teenagers?

You cannot reason with a small child! They do understand pain and the behavior that causes it!

Time out breeds bad attitudes and rebellion.

As children age, explain Ephesians 6:1-4 to them.

Explain the eventual end of wrong behavior. (Lost job, lack of money, trouble with law enforcement, etc)

For older children that you have NEVER spanked, predetermine some consequences that will be difficult for them (3 days no phone etc, no social outing for a time period, etc.)

Make sure the discipline fits the behavior and is measured.

Guidelines for using the rod of discipline:

Never use your hand.

Don’t use a belt. God said to use a rod.

Establish THE PLACE for discipline to be administered in your home.

Never discipline in front of others.

Control your anger before you use the rod. Make them go to the room used for disciplining, then go get the rod. Pray, take a deep breath, and decide ahead of time how many swats they will receive.

Read Ephesians 6:1-4, and explain to the child what they did wrong. Show them that

you must discipline them out of your obedience to follow what God said.

Your goal is to train their conscience, so that one day they will be self-governed.

Spank them ONLY on their backside.

Hold the small child so that they will not move or place their hands on their backside.

Make it count!

Let them cry briefly, then tell them to stop.

Pray with the child. Help them confess their sin (1 John 1:9). This cleanses the conscience!

Embrace them, then treat them as though all is well. Don’t bring up the offense over and over!

Be consistent. Inconsistency, and not making the rod bring pain to the backside, are two main reasons for lack of results!