God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage (part 3) What is the wife’s role in the marriage?
March 9, 2025God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage (part 3)
What is the wife’s role in the marriage?
3.9.2025
Review
February 23 – Cultural Norms That Conflict With God’s Will
Marriage as it has been defined for thousands of years is under attack.
When you dishonor marriage, you ruin a culture…
March 2 – What Does it Mean to be One Flesh?
The closeness designed for marriage is revealed in the creation of man.
God created male and female on the same day – all in one body!!
A great definition of marriage:
One man and one woman united spiritually, emotionally, physically, publicly and legally, in a lifetime bond of loyal love, for procreation, channeling sexual and emotional energy, and serving as a civilizing and stabilizing factor in society.
– I Never Thought I’d See the Day by David Jeremiah, p. 110
Today: What is the wife’s role in the marriage?
What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband?
How far does the wife’s submission go?
How does this fit in with women being equal in the workplace?
Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Let’s talk for a moment about the woman’s place in marriage.
The backdrop for good relationships in general:
So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. (16) Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. (17) Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. (18) Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, (19) singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. (20) And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Nothing can take the place of a solid relationship with the Lord that fills us up inside and meets our needs for significance and love!
One of the best things you can do for your marriage is to develop your closeness with Jesus.
But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.
Motivations, attitudes, and ways of acting and reacting all change when we enter a close relationship with the Lord.
In fact, a relationship with Jesus brings with it a new way to love others, beginning with your spouse in your home!
1 John 3:14
We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death.
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Then Marriage and the husband wife responsibilities are mentioned:
Ephesians 5: 21-33 (NLT)
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (22) For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (23) For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. (24) As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
(25) For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her (26) to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. (27) He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. (28) In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. (29) No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. (30) And we are members of his body. (31) As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (32) This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. (33) So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Let’s look at this passage verse by verse:
(21) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Before we can treat another person fairly, we must have the right opinion of ourselves – humility.
Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.
In the same way, you who are younger must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. (6) So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.
Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? (2) Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. (3) Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. (4) Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
Submitting to one another means keeping another person’s needs and desires in mind as you relate to them. Love puts another person’s needs and desires above your own!
In this next section of scripture, God shows wives as being responders and husbands as being aggressors.
(22) For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
There are two roles for the wife mentioned in Ephesians 5. Four verses mention the wife submitting and respecting.
(22) For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
(23) For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
(24) As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
(33) So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Men need respect, affirmation, and praise
Women need love, and tender care.
A wife’s two roles in the marriage are to submit and respect.
A man’s role in the marriage is to be a lover, leader, and a provider.
So here in verse 22, Paul encourages wives to submit to their husbands.
Let’s talk about submission for a bit!
7 things to note about submission:
1. In the Bible, when God mentions the roles of authority and submission, He always addresses the one in submission first!
I believe God did this to emphasize the responsibility of submission regardless of the person in authority.
Eph. 5: 22-24 – Wives, then husbands.
Eph. 6: 1-4 – Children, then parents.
Eph. 6: 5-9 – Servants (employees) then masters (bosses).
1 Timothy 6: 1-2 – Slaves, then masters.
1 Peter 3: 1-7 – Wives, then husbands.
Genesis 3: 16-17 – Serpent, woman, then man.
2. Submission only works among equals.
Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Notice again verse Ephesians 5:24:
(24) As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
We must ask then, how do we submit to Jesus?
It’s easy to submit to Jesus…
He has made us equal in position – not in function…
For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.
Jesus is the head of the church, and He has elevated us to sit beside Him!
And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.
Similarly – Husbands and wives are equal in position, not function.
3. Submission is voluntary – never forced.
Jesus doesn’t force us – He asserts no authority that we do not willingly yield to Him.
Because of His love, we willingly submit.
A husband can never force his wife to submit to him.
A narcissist may force, but a husband that loves his wife will not!
4. Submission is an attitude of the heart!
Notice again Ephesians 5:24
As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
In everything, as long as it doesn’t violate the WORD
Ex – “Don’t go to church anymore.”
A wife’s first responsibility is to the Lord
Her second responsibility is to her husband…
5. Submission and obedience are not the same…
Obedience is outward – Submission is inward.
It’s possible to be submissive – yet not obedient to do something a husband asks to do that is wrong.
It’s possible to be obedient, yet passively rebellious…
6. How far does submission go?
Submission does not mean SILENCE!
If the wife disagrees, she should voice her opinion clearly, then leave the decision to her husband…
**Dissent without voice breeds anger and resentment…
7. Sarah – A Wife’s Example…
For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
So she laughed silently to herself and said, “How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master—my husband—is also so old?”
Though submissive, Sarah was still free to voice her opinion to Abraham. AND GOD TOLD HIM TO LISTEN TO HIS WIFE!!
Genesis 16: 1-6 (NLT)
Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. (2) So Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. (3) So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.) (4) So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt. (5) Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!” (6) Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.” Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away.
Genesis 21: 9-12 (NLT)
But Sarah saw Ishmael—the son of Abraham and her Egyptian servant Hagar—making fun of her son, Isaac. (10) So she turned to Abraham and demanded, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son. He is not going to share the inheritance with my son, Isaac. I won’t have it!” (11) This upset Abraham very much because Ishmael was his son. (12) But God told Abraham, “Do not be upset over the boy and your servant. Do whatever Sarah tells you, for Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted.
TRUE SUBMISSION IS THE SUBJECTION OF LOVE TO THE RULE OF LOVE!
Action points:
1. Human relationships work best when we are closely related to the Lord.
Open yourself everyday to Jesus by Bible reading and prayer.
Ask Him to help you be the best spouse for your husband or wife.
Ask God to help you deal with selfishness in your life.
The older you marry, the more selfish and set in your way you may become!
2. Seek to meet the needs in your spouse. Women need love. Men need
affirmation.
Wives – “You did a great job on…the yard, painting that room, planning the vacation, etc”
You’re a good man. I’m glad I married you.
Husband – tell your wife you love her. Show her by doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning the house, giving her a break from the kids..
3. Submission works when people are viewed as equals; it can’t be forced,
and it is an attitude of the heart. True submission works when both
persons are free to express their views.
Respect each other’s opinions.
In a healthy relationship, solutions to disagreements should go both ways. In that way you submit to each other..l
When a last word is needed on decisions, let the husband have it as the head of the home.
Wives, don’t try to control your husbands. Jezebel controlled King Ahab in the OT (1 Kings 21:25)
Don’t be a doormat if you are in an abusive relationship. Love stands for what is right.
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